internet was made for lovers

May 3

hello.
i miss you.

April 28

2:14 AM

so here’s what i did yesterday.

i wake up, get dressed and go to school.

8:30 i’m in 1st period.

by 3:30 im at home. i eat, watch tyra, and leave at 5.

i hang out in the pouring rain listening to my ex-boyfriend go insane.

i come home at 9, my mom has already managed to pick me up fucking drunk, and by 11:40 i’m she’s falling on her face and i’m crying cause it’s all on me.

my mom is drinking cause i call her a bitch and i’m a “fucked up little brat”

ian is going insane because i won’t take him back and shit.

yeah thanks guys, i really love this feeling. and i was really happy and now it’s back to the fucking drawing board.

current situation: it’s 2:20, i don’t know if i’m going toschool, i don’t know if i’msleeping all night but i really want someone here so they can hold me and tell me it’ll be okay and ian won’t shoot himself, and my mom will be a normal soccer mom.

ugh it’s pathetic that i have no one to rant to besides tumblr. i want to leave this town and go back to thorp, i think.

April 27

10:45 PM

i’m actually decently happy.

i’m excited because it’s finalllly spring and i can feel it in my blood and it’s making me REALLY happy. i honestly feel like going in my backyard and sleeping in the dew-y grass with my friends and just look at the stars and smell the fresh air and not give a shit about anything or anyone. and i don’t EVEN give a fuck about the fact i sound like a cheeseball rn. i don’t even give a fuck about most things at all anymore.

anyway yeah, that’s my little happy rant.

so also, i’m a little bit down about something because i’ve just folded up and thrown out this one little horrid relationship i was in. and all year i’ve really liked this one guy. and it totally sucks because he’s a really REALLY great friend and i wishwishwish we could just get closer and just be cool with eachother. not even go out, just reallyyy close.

it blows. i know for a fact he doesn’t like me and i know who he likes. but i’mstill getting mixed signals i guess. ugh i want to snap out of it and stop being a fucking loser. and i hate when this happens because when i like a guy a lotttttt i start trying to molddddd into like the girl he does like and it’s so fail. i want to be happy with my appearance and myself for once. like honestly michelle, you’re fucking stupid. just give it up. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO. i wish i was older and more mature and it wouldn’t be weird if people openly confronted people about this sort of shit. society these dayssssss.

guess what i’m wishing for this 11:11? ……awalrus :3 WHAAAAAAT

end10:58.

April 15